Today I am writing everything as it comes to my fingertips. I have not prepared a word of this, there has been no studying done. I haven't spent hours thinking on the post that I have put together. Tonight, you get my heart. You get me. Not books. Not dictionaries, or concordances. What am I going to talk about...I don't know. I just feel like someone out there needs to hear this. Why? Again, I don't know.
So many times you smile. You are seemingly happy. Things in your life seem to be going great...but you have that dark cloud that hangs over you. It reminds you that there is that nasty old thing called depression, and anxiety. No one knows that you are screaming on the inside. No one sees the turmoil that is inside of you. How you just want to run away as fast as you can. You want everything to just freeze so you can take a moment to cope. To adjust. To breathe.
They ask you how you are doing, and again you smile wide and reply with a "I'm doing great, how about you?" when you really just want to tell them how awful you are feeling. But the last time you opened up to someone they told you how depressed you are, and they told you to smile more. They told you to just choose to be happier. You were told to look on the bright side. Talking to people about it never helped.
And now, as you sit here reading this, your heart is breaking because you know what I am saying is true. You feel alone, and you just need a shoulder. You need the ear of a friend. Someone who gets that you are doing your best just to make it from one day to the next. That everyday life is a struggle. That your bed calls you the second you step out of it, and you are only out of it because you literally have no choice but to be.
I want you to know that you are loved. You are not alone. So many Christians are secretly facing this very same battle. I pray that you are able to get peace from Christ over what you are going through. He can grant peace in even the roughest of storms. When Peter was sinking while walking on the sea to get to Jesus he cried out "Lord, save me".
In the middle of my hardest panic attacks, I am able to have peace because I know my Lord is standing right there with me. Walking me through every second. He has never left me, and he has never forsaken me. He is my rock, and I couldn't imagine doing this battle without him! Call out to him, he is waiting for you!
I'm praying for you! If you need someone to talk to...please, don't hesitate to contact me. I want to be there for you. If you don't want to talk to me, have someone you can talk to. Choose someone to be your person.