(Ecclesiastes 3:1) "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:"
On January 13th I had to face one of the biggest battles I have faced since struggling with anxiety. I got a job. I have never worked outside of the home before. Josh, and I had talked, and prayed about it for a while about me getting a job since all the kids were now in school. We discussed how it could be helpful to me in learning how to better handle my anxiety while out and about, and getting back to normal life as much as possible.
I applied for a job at my local Truett's Chick-fil-a in December about two weeks before Christmas. I got my interview, and it went great! They loved me, and I scored very high on their "Core Four" that they use when looking for a good fit for their employees. I was very anxious about the interview, and I made sure they knew that right off. I told them up front about my anxiety, and how it could possibly effect me while working. I was very open about my situation. I wanted them to know exactly what they would be getting.
I really thought it was going to hinder me getting the job. But it was a week later when I got the email that I had been hired! I was so excited, but terrified all at the same time.
I was told that I would not start my job until the new year, and once they were able to get me on the schedule after management got back from a trip.
I got scheduled to start work on the 13th of January. Excited, but like I said...terrified! I got my uniform, and got a pair of shoes. I made sure I was completely ready for my first day. It even worked out to where Josh was able to drive me to my first day of work. (Another long story for another time.) I was set...I was ready...or so I thought.
I didn't know until a week later that Josh had taken this picture of me on my first day before I clocked in. What you are seeing is a woman who is completely overtaken with emotion. I was scared. I was unsure of how the day would go. Would I fail? Would I have an attack that put me in the floor in front of all my new co-workers, and customers? All of the "what ifs" that you can possibly think of for this scenario probably played through my mind.
Josh bought me breakfast, and I only took a bite or two. He waited around until he knew I would be okay. (My hero!)
When I clocked in, and was sent to the person who would be training me, I was in tears. But, God gave me someone who knew EXACTLY what I was feeling, and they told me their own story of their struggles with anxiety, and panic attacks. God gave me a person that He knew I needed right then at that moment. Knowing that I had someone who got it, who knew, and completely understood was such a God-given comfort for me. This person was kind, and took their time with me and showed me at a pace that didn't cause more anxiety than I was already feeling. This person, if you are reading this...THANK YOU! God knew I needed you that day!
I slowly got better throughout the day. God gave me such peace after about 20-30 minutes into working my shift. Within 2 hours I was on my own register taking orders, and moving along great! I have to admit, I was kinda proud of myself. ;)
With each day the anxiety got better, and better. God really showed himself powerful to me during this day. I had completed my training on Self-serve in 6 days. (Which I am told is really fast)
My next challenge came when I was scheduled to start learning the Drive-thru! That was one place that I DID NOT want to work. I wanted to stay in my little safety net that I had grown to love, the front counter.
My first day of drive-thru was...wow! It was so busy, and so fast paced. I was terrified that I wasn't going to be able to keep up. The anxiety was there, but no where near what I expected it to be. I truly believe that God gave me a calm spirit while I learned the drive-thru. I am STILL learning the drive-thru. I have been on training for 2 1/2 weeks now with drive-thru. I have been told that I am doing exceptional, and I have to admit, that makes me feel good. To hear that I am not failing, that I am not a big flop. Its huge for me. I am such a perfectionist when it comes to me doing a job. I want to do it right, and I want to do it exactly as it is expected of me to do.
I am proud of myself, and I am not ashamed to tell you all that. This has been a massive step for me, and God has definitely blessed me in being able to work this job.
One aspect of this job that I have not had to tackle too much at this point is driving. Josh has been able to drive me to work 99% of the time. I have made the drive to work 1 day by myself. This is something that I will have to take on full-time once he returns to work. The drive is an easy one, I just have to work through my PTSD, and anxiety that I face while driving. Its not an easy task, but one I will have to tackle. So with that, I do ask that you all keep me in your prayers in the days to come as I prepare to start making the drive myself without the help of my amazing hero husband.
I truly believe that this job could be a tool God uses for me to not only be a witness for him, but also a witness of what God can do in the midst of an anxiety diagnosis.
My whole point of this post is that even in the midst of some massive life changes that I thought might completely drown me, and knock me down, God showed himself faithful once again! Fear will still be there, anxiety will still by high, and the tears will most definitely fall..."But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us..." knows where you are, what you are going through, and exactly what you stand in need of. He won't leave you stranded.